On one hand, am I any better than Perez Hilton if I just rag on celebrities for their appearance?
On the other hand, drunk driving is stupid and makes you worthy of scorn.
Thanks to my last post, I just received this amusing email.
Talk about your social networking.
It looks like we came close to losing another beloved pop culture icon this weekend. Idiot.
Actress Joyce DeWitt arrested on suspicion of DUI in El Segundo on Fourth of July
She's always seemed so bitter in the Three's Company reunion specials
and that came through when you saw things from "her perspective" in
that awfully entertaining TV movie based on the making of the show a
few years back. I've always felt sorry for her that she's held onto all
that anger for so long and am sad that she'd do something this stupid
and dangerous too.
[Insert come and knock on my car door joke here if you can come up with it; I can't manage to say something clever.]
1) So according to a new book, Jackie Not-Yet-O and Bobby Kennedy started an affair in the aftermath of JFK's assassination that continued until RFK's assassination.
If the Kennedys were a night time soap opera, it is at this plot point where I would say they'd jumped the shark, especially with the inclusion of Aristotle Onassis as the mean Greek old man who threatened them (His name is Victor Kiriakis, he's played by Jennifer Aniston's dad, and he's been working that character over at Days of Our Lives for the better part of my life). I mean, cliches are cliches for a reason, but still... (Actually, to be honest, I probably would have said that after RFK's assasination -- talk about repetitive)
2) Speaking of, Robert McNamara is dead. I don't have much to say about his (alleged) activities that (allegedly) make him an (alleged) war criminals except that I'd probably remove a couple of those parenthetical phrases if I was going with my gut.
On a completely narcissistic note, it was weird growing up with his last name. As a youngster, it was cool to find your name in the encyclopedia or some such, but as I grew older and realized what he was famous for, I realized why my dad or family didn't exactly brag about it. (Not that we were related, but if I ever asked about him, my dad generally brushed me aside -- as he did about most things Vietnam-related for the greater part of my life.)
For the most part (or at least until Nip/Tuck), he was the only person anybody usually knew with my surname, though, sadly, even most people who grew up with him weren't quite sure who he was. Those that did always had this beat-of-recognition when they weren't quite sure why they knew this name and weren't quite sure why they didn't like it. In other words, it's like not like growing up as Mike Hitler, which would have been more obvious.
Some were impressed that he tried to apologize later in life. I'm unsure since it all seems pretty half-assed. At any rate, he's going to have to be judged by a higher power than documentary film audiences for the mistakes he made.
This is either the best thing or the worst thing to the Republican party in a long time. I'm not sure which yet and anybody who thinks they know is lying.
I, for one, as some who doesn't think "meritocracy" is necessarily a bad word, think it's a good thing for the country, if not the G.O.P. (it's been a while since those things weren't mutually exclusive).
In case you didn't read it earlier in the week, the much talked about Vanity Fair article is pretty interesting if you like politics and train wrecks.
What would you want to tell your 16 year old self if you could?
Submitted by Bea
Hey dude, skip your bisexual phase; you'll save yourself and others lots of grief. Eventually, you're going to be loved. A lot. You're family is going to love you no matter what, so quit giving them so much shit. Let yourself be happy. And beyond your faggotry, your friends that matter like the real you, so knock it off with the lying to everybody, including yourself. You're going to have so much fun that you'll hardly believe why you were ever so sad, so enjoy your youth and quit worrying so much. Invest in Microsoft.
Like Princess Diana, the lovely Cathy Doederlein was born on July 1, and this song always makes me think of her, especially this year, even though I'm always imagining her fantastic brother signing it. Fortunately, both of the Doederlein siblings are still with us unlike the People's Princess and the King of Pop. The quality of this video isn't the best, but since there's no other clips of it on YouTube that actually play the animation along with the song, it's the one I'm using.
A fact I didn't know until last week: Michael Jackson wrote "Do the Bartman" -- which is why it aired before The Simpsons this past Sunday.
not leaving home without his American Express card and I realize it just isn't going to work.
He starred in On The Waterfront, won an Academy Award for A Streetcar Named Desire, and was pretty awesome in the otherwise forgettable Hitchcock movie I, Confess. However, he's probably best known to my generation as the guy with the big nose who was the American Express spokesman forever.
...with all this in-breeding.
Once upon a time, a good friend of mine and I spent time setting up a relationship diagram connecting Chicago's "popular" gay men and their "relationships." It was epic, but we...um, I mean they... had nothing on the X-Men.
Click here for the full, not blurry thing.
Of course, Marvel's X-Universe had 40+ years and our time frame was smaller, and the misadventures we were capturing weren't captured in a comic book (but oh what fun that would have been! talk about your graphic novel), so we didn't know everything about everyone, but still, if you've ever wondered (a) why getting started in comics reading can be a daunting task, (b) why they feel they have tons of stories to tell on the big screen, no matter how many times they screw-up and need to reboot the franchise, and (c) why the comics feel the need to wipe the slate clean, reboot, create the Ultimate series, or other fun "what ifs?" like Exiles.
According to Jackson's biographer J. Randy Taraborrelli, "Billie Jean" was derived from a real life experience the singer faced in 1981. The Magic & The Madness documents how a young woman wrote a letter to Jackson, informing the singer that he was the father of one of her twins. Jackson, who regularly received letters of this kind, had never met the woman and ignored it. The woman sent more letters to Jackson, claiming that she loved him and wanted to be with him. She wrote of how happy they would be, bringing up the child together. She pondered how Jackson could ignore his own flesh and blood. Due to the stress of receiving the letters, the singer suffered from nightmares.
Following the letters, Jackson received a parcel containing a photograph of the fan, as well as a letter and a gun. Jackson was horrified—the letter asked that the pop star kill himself on a certain day and at a specific time. The fan would do the same once she had killed their baby. She wrote that if they could not be together in this life, then they would be in the next. To his mother's dismay, Jackson had the photograph framed and hung above the dining room table of their family home. Afterward, the Jacksons discovered that the female fan had been sent to a psychiatric hospital.
Jackson denied the story and instead said it was based on the groupies his brothers dealt with who made false paternity claims. But if was true, it still wouldn't be one of the top 100 odd things about Michael Jackson, and it certainly doesn't rank any higher if we're only talking about rumors. And though eventually somebody has to take responsibility for their actions, things like that had been happening to him before his age was in the double digits, and due to his upbringing, he was ill-equipped to deal with even a dull life, let alone the one he lived. And he managed to still use his talent to bring lots of joy to lots of people. I hope folks can keep that in mind as the re-dissect his life in the upcoming weeks.
I've had this particular ear worm in my head since I got home from work today, and if you're of a certain age, only play this if you don't mind the same thing happening to you.
Other fun facts:
Now that he's safely shown up back in the Palmetto State, I feel free to crack wise about South Carolina's Amazing Disappearing Governor, Mark Sanford. As I said before it was announced he was at the Appalachian Trail, I hope he's found alive because this whole thing seems too odd not to catch fire and I'm tired of Illinois being the punchline of jokes about governors (because she-who-will-not-be-named from our 49th-state up north has long ago graduated to a lunacy beyond her elected position. Politically and personally, this is a weird story. I feel like there's all kinds of historically intelligent jokes to be made about him seceding from the union where the union is reality/his responsibilities/whatever, but I haven't quite been able to make it work.
And it's sad because this story was made for pop cultural consumption -- dramatic interpretation from Without a Trace and comically for The Daily Show.
And apparently now it's a musical since it turns out that the hiking was a lie and Sanford was discovered returning from Buenos Aries. Therefore, every blogger in the sun this morning made some sort of "Don't Cry For Me, Argenenia"/Evita joke. But like Sanford, who folks explained away his tendency to ditch his security detail as being typical of him because he's "weird", I'm also going to be unique.*
The Evita song that should be sung should be "You Had to Lose Me?" to the tune of "You Must Love Me" sung longingly by an attractive chorus portraying the security detail he ditched.
Where did you go last week?
This wasn't where you told me you'd to be.
Your wife may be the one that you married,
But I was screwed by you.
When? When you disappeared.
How am I supposed to keep my job now?
You left your car, your baseball hat in Hotlanta.
A sleeping bag. and some shoes
[Bridge]
Deep in shit I'm feeling
Your face I'm longing to pound
Scared a security job I'll never get again
Because I let you slip away.
[Chorus]
You had to lose me?
You had to lose me.
[Bridge]
As awesome as it sounds
Any adult with responsibility
Doesn't get to secretly leave the continent
Sorry but them's the breaks.
Why's your wife at your side?
How can she be any use to you now?
Give me two secs and I'll show you
How losing you my life has changed
[Bridge]
[Chorus]
You had to lose me?
You had to lose me.
* - Because I desperately want my original tune to get me an Oscar and Golden Globe too.
So I know I said I didn't care about these sad people on that show I've never watched and was all joke-joke-joke, but this is pretty funny and, to be perfectly honest, fucking impressive.
Shocker!:
"Jon & Kate" lived "separate and apart" for 2
years
The whole show was apparently a sham, according to the Associated Press.
Well played, reality stars, well played.
Maybe this will cause folks to mistrust their celebrity culture and reality television like they distrust politicians and news folks. I doubt it, but it sure would be nice.
UPDATE:
"Jon
& Kate" lived "separate and apart" for 2 years? Not
true!
The whole show was apparently a sham, according to the Associated Press,
which obtained a copy of Kate Gosselin's divorce filing.She also says
that the she and Jon have been unable to agree on dividing their assets.
UPDATE: The
AP issued a correction on its misleading
report.
Of course, it would turn out that the one thing they did that impressed me and made me feel like they'd come anywhere close to earning the money, servants, and gifts that have come their wait would turn out to be false.
This just about captures it all.
"Jon
& Kate" will make a major announcement on Monday
(This was going to be a top ten list, but like Jon and Kate themselves, I also don't care about the eight other things that made the franchise famous.)
"I thought, 'how ironic that all the money
I spent on substances in the 80s and 90s, and all I had to do was hit
my head on something.'"
Bret Michaels on hitting his head on the scenery during the Tonys
Worry not, fair readers, I have no plans to recapture my own "glory days" by going home and slamming my head in a door. I promise.
P.S. Yes, I realize Michaels doesn't look like this --> anymore and there's not enough drugs or head-banging in the world that can make that happen.
Like a broken clock, even the British gossip rags are right a couple of times.
A few weeks back, when the British tabloids were talking about how Timothy "The Placeholder for Pierce Bronsan Bond" Dalton was going to guest star on Doctor Who in David Tennant's final episodes as a Time Lord in a plot having to do with John Simm returning as The Master, I said it was a bunch of crap. Now, I think I posted that somewhere, but I can't seem to remember where, so maybe I didn't, but I know that thought as much.
Well unless this is a, pardon the pun, doctored photo by someone with too much time on their hands who wants me to eat crow, I prepare to eat it with spicy mustard.
Is it Christmas yet?
from yesterday's post about new groups of words. One of the phrases did exist.
It isn't that big of a deal except that this is the one that started my list; blue sausage is in a lot of places, and there's actually a band that calls itself, awesomely, Blue Sausage Infant -- here's their MySpace page.
"Sometimes I almost feel sorry for poor Carrie Prejean, a pretty young woman shoved into the front lines of the culture war simply by answering a question at the Miss America Pageant. But then I remember what an emphatically idiotic trash heap she's repeatedly revealed herself to be, and I get over it." David Schmader
Been too busy to write anything interesting myself, except for comments on other sites and a(not quite true) story about a gay guy who picks up a sailor on the Metra train. For the former, here's some random quotes I've written elsewhere on the Internet; feel free to match them to the person to whom I'm responding or am ranting about.
|
1. Yeah, jokes about a girl who's almost 19 and on People magazine preaching about the misery that is sex is TOTALLY the same as a joke about a pregnant 9 or 11 year old. |
A. Advice seeker whose girlfriend has suddenly started asking that he
tell her when he has lunch with platonic friends of the opposite sex |
| 2. What was up with her? She may be right about Brandon, but
she totally hasn't seen enough of him to really make an opinion, and
is obviously going with her gut. As the professional in the
relationship, she should really learn to act like one. |
B. Patti Blagojevich |
| 3. You're right -- it might be a slippery slope and giving into her
insecurities might turn out to be the wrong move. But for now, even
though she's over-reacting, since it seems she's come to you with her
issues maturely, rather than attacking you like a hose beast, means you
can return the favor on this issue, especially if you explain to her
that you're doing it to assuage her fears, not because you are doing
something wrong. If the slope starts slipping, deal with that then, but don't create the problem until it happens. Showing her how mature people secure in their relationships deal with issues might just be all the help she needs. |
C. Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley |
| 4. While every day that [he] doesn't do more to overturn this policy is a day I'm a little more disappointed in him, his position regarding urging the justices not to hear the case was the exact same opinion held by the Servicemember's Legal Defense Network because they believe that another case in the pipeline is a better case for bringing this issue before the Supreme Court.
[They] may have had their own reason for not wanting this before the Court currently, but it's the same opinion held by those whose mission it is to overturn DADT as well as most of the original plantiffs of the case.
DC is a complicated place. | D. Mia Michaels, the newly horrible choreographer on So You Think You Can Dance |
| 5. Used to think Illinois had the most embarrassing Midwestern politicians, but this illiterate twitterfeed made me reconsider | E. Obama and his sometimes frustrating Administration |
| 6. Seeing [her] get swept down the river was surprisingly satisfying...though I didn't need to see her ring out her wet panties | F. Idiot who wondered what would if David Letterman made jokes about Sasha and Malia Obama rather than Bristol Palin. |
˙q˙6 'ɔ˙5 'ǝ˙4 'ɐ˙3 'p˙2 'ɟ˙1:sɹǝʍsuA
What single change could you make to your life that, without a doubt, would improve it?
Submitted by Asha Dornfest
Writing at least complete one short story, play/screenplay scene, article or group of poems once a week, and writing a page/for twenty minutes daily -- even it means using questions like this to give me an idea. Admitting that to an audience, no matter how small, means I should just do it.
So DONE. For at least the rest of the month.
Laugh if you want...and seriously, despite it being real, this picture is really quite hilarious.
But this story made my eyes a little moist.
And not just in a "you're kinda pathetic to be crying because you're totally jealous of a dead guy" sorta way.
I've started another writing project -- Twelve Across -- in which I write poetry, short stories, or essays inspired by a New York Times Crossword Puzzle that I finish. Usually it's inspired by the clues and words that cross at 12 Down -- hence the name 12 Across.
Unlike my completion rate with the crosswords lately, there are plenty of incomplete works over there -- which is why only two show up when you read them right now. It's not necessarily for public consumption. I'm just using the blog as a content management system. However, the personal essay I wrote today inspired by not just a clue but the theme of Monday's puzzle "The Tonight Show" has pop culture relevance, so it seems fitting to cross post it to Logopolis too.
PunkAndy insisted we need to watch this hot mess of a "famous" "people" competition simply in order to ensure we vote against the former First Lady of Illinois every chance we get. (The last minute addition of Frangela certainly sealed the deal.) Before the first commercial break, I posted something to Twitter and was pleased after a quick arch to see that I was not alone in the universe
(that's my TiVo's network name, and yes, my TiVos are named after things from Doctor Who...so are my three computers...want to make something of it?....didn't think so)
RIP: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Samantha Who?, Without a Trace, My Name is Earl
There are more TV casualties out there this week, but I think these are the only ones that I'm currently recording (not necessarily always watching); the fact that each of the major four networks is a total coincidence.
And representing the CW, appropriately enough, a teenage abortion: Baby Jane Roe (aka the unnamed Gossip Girl spin-off)
Not much to say on these except that Earl is a surprise, especially since it ended on a cliffhanger. I don't really pay that much attention to ratings, so I guess all of them are surprises in some way. Strangely, Without a Trace is the one I think I'll miss most. I don't watch many non-serialized dramas, so it was always good to have it to fall back on when I wanted to watch something procedural. And it still managed to be interesting within its format unlike most shows of its ilk (except for Bones...which we still have, I think.)
Speaking of shows that are basically the same, I've come to the realization that 24 = Gossip Girl, especially last night. I'll try to write more on this later, while the rest of the American Pop-ulace is watching Adam vs. Kris in the American Idol finale that too much of the media is trying to amp up as Teh Gay vs. The Religious Right. And like the real live people that they still seem to be, they won't fit into the simple predefined categories. And they're like totally besties despite all their differences. Like the gay-seeming theater guy and the hot Christian guy are often in real life. Maybe you should write THAT story, media, rather than trying to create some sort of metaphor from this "divide." (Okay this article seems like it might write that story, but it basically fucks it up at the end.)
Also, you should watch Glee. Because everybody says it's good. And when has everybody led you astray? Okay, you're right, but this doesn't seem like one of those times.
Okay, that's all for now. I won't spoil the movie for you. Go see it yourself, and I'll write more about it later, except to say, here's what some other important folks think about it:
Here's his longer take on it, even though the title says it all: "If all reboots were done this well, we geeks would never worry about reboots."
I was also pretty relieved when I read Simon Guerrier's review last month, especially his thoughts on sci-fi reboots and Star Trek vs. Doctor Who -- especially since both have had multiple reboots at different times and though the franchises are very different, they have had surprisingly similars ups and downs.
Finally, I read the Star Trek Countdown comic mini-series put out by IDW (which, amusingly, also publishes new Doctor Who comics) which is a prequel to the new movie, showing what takes place in the 24 century era with Spock and Nero before they show up in the new movie, and, most interestingly to me, members of the Next Generation cast.
I took a look at the books at Graham Crackers and wasn't that impressed with the art, but since I did want to read the background story (and find myself missing TNG cast) decided to read it by purchasing the comics as applications on my iPhone. Though I love the idea of reading by iPhone, and have enjoyed reading books using the Stanza application, because the layouts for comic panels are so vital and flexible, and seeing the whole page at a time is a more important part of the reading process, I haven't been able to get behind reading comics on your mini-screen. However, since, like I said, the layouts of "Countdown" seemed pretty straightforward, this seemed like a good opportunity. And I have to say, it was a lot of fun, probably in no small part because of it was a futuristic way to ready a futuristic comic.
It's a fun story -- at least the first three parts of it (which is all that I've read thus far) -- but it's definitely a prequel prepping you for a larger story and fairly unnecessary once you've seen the movie because Spock fills you in on the story you've missed (without name dropping Picard, Data, and Worf, of course).
Can you imagine a time sans Internet when things like this would have had a horrifingly limited audience these days? I can, and it's a f'ing nightmare
In case you want to see the minutes of the special leading up to this clip, here's more (which is worth it for it's addition of Harvey Korman and some fantastic "romantic" dialogue...and oh yeah, Bea pouring a drink in his head):
There's something really interesting about the fact that life under the Empire in this TV special sounds like stereotypical Communist Russia. I guess, it's not that surprising -- as that would be easy pop culture shorthand for portraying an "evil empire." But this isn't something that shows up in the movies, of course. (Also, if you're really paying attention, you might wonder why Princess Leia's voice is being used as the narrator in the propaganda broadcast? Was she forced? Or was it just an imitator? These are the things I wonder about, and probably what George Lucas is hoping I'm focusing on.)
So everybody who doesn't have anything better to do with their day has been blogging about how it's a huge deal that the Pennsylvania senator has left the Republicans behind (even though he just did it because he was probably going to lose Leiberman-style to a primary challenger)
, but what none oif the many, many, many many articles has asked is this:
Who cares what party he belongs to? I'm not going to ignore the fact that he murdered a woman, no matter how many hit records he produced.
Oh, um....what? Oh, sorry, my mistake.
Part 3 is the best part, but if you've got the time watch Part 1 and 2.
Part 1
Part 2
I will not freak out about swine flu.
I will not freak out about swine flu.
I will not freak out about swine flu.
I will not freak out about swine flu.
I will not freak out about swine flu.
View H1N1 Swine Flu in a larger map
Still though, it looks a little close on this map. And I did ask PunkAndy to pick up extra groceries in case we need to barricade ourselves in our apartment. And I do have extra antibiotics that I ordered online a long time ago (for something far more embarassing that will go unnamed) And if there is an occurence in Chicago, I will not leave the house. But other than that, I'm totally not going to freak out.
(Even this, though, can be held up as an example of how Republicans suck and are stupid.)
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Seriously, they're such little bitches sometimes.
I'm almost embarrassed and definitely surprised how sad the death of Bea Arthur has made me. I never met her (because that story would be here, obviously) but I loved her like I had. And I guess that's why I'm saddened by her (and many other) celebrity deaths; I never had the chance to gush in front of them.
You'll be seeing tributes to her everywhere and Logopolis will be no different. The thing I've enjoyed most so far though is this 2005 Entertainment Weekly tribute to The Golden Girls -- though if you're gay like me, you know a lot of the stories -- for example, Elaine Strich read for Dorothy or Betty White and Rue McClanhan were originally supposed to audition for the roles of Blanche and Rose respectively -- though I'd never heard Arthur's response to that:
which would only have been more TV classic if she'd said what she should have which was: "I don't want to play Maude and Vivian meet Sue Ann Nivens."
But the reason I'm posting that story is because it tells the tale of the (very rough working title for the show) which was inspired by a sketch done by Selma Diamond, which also was popular with TV critics at the time describing the show, "Miami Nice"
And, of course, that reminds me of this particular scene. Though Betty White, as often, got the jokes, it's Bea's classic responses -- and the face this clip ends on -- that made the show more than just set-up, set-up, punchline. It was often set-up, set-up, puncline, punch with the TKO delivered by Arthur herself.
If you didn't grow up singing this as a family, you...well, obviously werent gay with a gay brother.
So I didn't know that Gavin Rossdale used to "date" a man. Allegedly.
This is apparently old news. Boy George apparently gabbed about it in the autobiography he wrote in the 90s. I can't believe everybody ignored that. I mean, it's not like any bitter, past-his-prime drug-addled faggot has ever lied about the sexual preference and/or activities of someone much, much hotter. Oh, yeah, never mind...
But now the story has resurfaced because the alleged object of Rossdale's affection Marilyn -- the 80s rocker born Peter Robinson who had to work a heck of a lot harder than Jerrica Benton ever did to become Jem* in order to become his alter ego -- has changed his tune and is now backing up Boy George's story.
So like I said this is old news, and no offense to VH1, but if I'm scooped by Best Week Ever, I'm not exactly a well-oiled source of gossip.
But Logopolis never promised you news you couldn't get in one hundred other locations (OR a rose garden), I've only promised you pop culture commentary.
So with that I ask you this question: If you're a former "wild child who wore black lipstick and partied until all hours at London’s underground clubs" as InTouch has described Gavin and the rumored love of your life from that time is a gender bending rocker who looks like this:
Isn't it weird that you married a beautiful female rock star who still manages to look like a tranny?
Just saying.
(Yes, that's all the commentary I have: "Just saying.")
* The fact that I haven't seen the transformation of Jerrica to Jem way overdone as a drag number means that gay men my age obviously have way too many ways to creatively express themselves, which I suppose is a good thing but is making me kind of sad today.
Just because I have bought tickets to Kelly Clarkson does not mean I like all things that all teenagers have ever liked EVER. As the kids on the Internet might have said last year, New Kids on the Block pre-sale information = Do. Not. Want.
The days of my life have been pretty restless, and I'm not young enough to keep up with all my children anymore(children being the crappy things in your life that you love anyway) because I've only got one life to live and if I'm not careful I'm going to end up in general hospital again. So I've been light in the Logopolis posting this week.
But I've been inspired to write again because my activities last night loop back into IJMSSMO posts I've been making on other's blogs.
My inspiration: Chicago's own soap opera The Ville is back with a new episode at Mary's Attics Mondays this month. After the outstanding musical holiday season finale last year, I was worried that it wouldn't be able to top itself. And while I miss the brilliant songs of Jeff Bouthiette's brilliant songs, this year's debut was filled with emotional wallops that feel like a punch to the gut (I truly gasped at one point) and lots of laughs as well. The fallout from Terrance's death in Japan after the birth of his child with Greg and what that does to the expectations on birth mother Lainey and her girlfriend Liz was obviously going to be wrenching but unexpected plot turns and the excellent performances from those left behind hit me hard. I'm not too proud to admit that at certain points I was weeping... which I'd be embarrassed enough to do in a "real" theater, but in a bar I felt even more exposed... and it went from "oh I've got something in my eye" to "trying hard not to sob and convulse" (and it's nice to have a boyfriend who will hold you when you're crying, but then you realize he's just burying his face in your back so he can hide that he's crying too; crying is contagious like yawning, especially when you've had a couple stiff drinks.) So "traditionally manly" I was not. But it was that good. Characters you care about going through crap you can't imagine and reacting the way you expect based on past characterization -- classic soap opera.
Speaking of classic soap operas, as a fan of the genre, I was sad to hear that Guiding Light is getting extinguished in September after many, many years, though since I'm more accurately a former fan of the daytime aspect of the genre, I'm part of the problem. Mel had a fantastic post on this, which caused me to fill up her comments with my own thoughts on this dying breed, including a new addiction from across the pond that isn't EastEnders:
As you may or may not remember, Guiding Light was one of the few soaps that existed since the mid-80s never made my regular rotation. (As The World Turns is the other...) It was one that my mom watched sometimes at the flower shop when I was MUCH younger, but I never paid it much attention.
But as I write this, I am totally remembering that I DID watch Guiding Light regularly at some point when I lived in Chicago and was either working at home or straight up unemployed. It's on at 9 AM here, and that's such a TV deadzone that it was pretty easy to get hooked on... especially if I remember correctly it was the time with the ridiculous (as in "ridiculously AWESOME") plots on San Cristobel around the turn of the century (2000, that is) when Reva had been a Princess, yada, yada...
Oh yeah, I also watched it some when they cloned Reva because, well, I'm a sucker for crazy.
And when it went to its freaky hand-held camera cinema verite style -- with the real life locations and the "reality tv" look, I recorded a few episodes just to see what it looked like because I really like the idea of somebody doing something new in an attempt to save the genre.
But I can see why it didn't work. Like newspapers, soaps probably needed to change with the time to have had any chance to stay successful, but they (a) usually did the wrong things to stay "hip" and (b) had any sort of continuing success precisely because they didn't change -- it's like comfort food for those who watch them every day and for those who only check in when they're home with the flu.
Still though, I wish the show would stay on the air. Maybe they should just take it back to its radio roots and do 15 minutes podcasts episodes. (Hey, look, Mike just invented his own dream job.)
* * * * *
The saddest thing about the genre dying is that, like I hinted at earlier,
other than occasional brilliance from Y&R and One Life to Live,
most of the other shows may not actually deserve to live except for
their great histories. Four years back, I was hooked on All My Children
but it has become a mess like GH. And don't even get my started about
John and Marlena leaving Days... even though I'm sure I wouldn't care
about their plot if I was still watching it, Days without Deidre Hall
is not a Salem USA I'm interested in.
But if you want to get a
crazy classic soap fix with a slightly modern twist -- and you
regularly listen to podcasts -- let me suggest the BBC's The Archers...
a radio soap which you can get daily for free through iTunes. It's
about farming and British country folk and at first seems as dull as
you can get... but I checked it out because I'm an anglophile and I'd
heard about it for so many years (it been around since after WWII and
was used, in part, to promote stuff like rationing and other government
propaganda -- the history alone is fascinating) Anyway, you wouldn't
think a soap about pig farmers and the women who love them and the
class struggles of small town Britain -- would be so compelling. But it
is. It's totally what I imagine old radio soaps used to be but about
the 2009 financial crisis.
It might just be a fascinating
cultural artifact because I'm from the US -- sort of like the other
soap I got hooked on when I was unemployed in the early 2000s -- the
twice daily reruns of Ryan's Hope on Soapnet which taught you more
about the seventies we grew up in than any history books.
Ebert: "The ideal audience for this film would be admirers of film art itself, assuming such people exist."
[And] Selick creates an entirely original look and feel...
[But] It's more or less impossible for me, anyway, to be scared by 3-D animation. The process always seems to be signaling, "I'm a process!""
I think it's harder to get involved in a story when the process doesn't become invisible.
Credit is due to those who backed this film. I'm tired of wall-to-wall cuteness like Kung Fu Panda, and wonder if Selick's approach would be suited to films for grown-ups adapted from material like stories by August Derleth or Stephen King.
(Okay, this conversation is obviously imagined and based on Ebert's review of the movie, which you should read because the excerpts I've used here make it seem like he didn't like it, and actually he did. I'm tired of using this convention, so I'm just going to finish my thoughts by myself.)
It's funny that I made a big deal on Twitter and Facebook last night about having breakfast for supper -- because that's one of the things Coraline's other family does in trying to ensnare her. Maybe Andy's doing that to me. Too late, I guess.
Coraline was suitably bratty and heroic in a way that lots of kids and parents will probably identify. Her relationship with her real parents -- believable -- was what made the rest of it so upsetting. Dakota Fanning continues her total and complete domination of roles that are age appropriate for her, but unlike other voice work she's done, it didn't sound like her... which means she's able to adapt her voice for specific characters...which just means she's still more talented than you.
And both mothers, but particularly the evil other mother is played perfectly by Teri Hatcher. Of course, a smothering button-for-eyes creature who kidnaps souls is only the second worst mother character Hatcher has played. Susan Meyer is the worst mother in the world. If Desperate Housewives were real life (a stretch I realize), we'd all realize there's a reason why Julie went far, far away for college, and if the show went on for many more years (or jumped into the future) we'd see that young M.J. will be warped beyond imagination. Just saying.
Show I Didn't Exactly Watch
I woke up from my post-work, pre-dinner nap and caught about 10 minutes of American Idol last night, and even though the cute guy who went first charmed me in his lame ass sweater set wearing ways, America, I think you should have voted for Adam because I am obsessed with rewarding his creative insanity (in which gayness only plays a very small part) after seeing clips of "Ring of Fire" last week. Further, Mel said she "finally gets him" on Facebook last night, so it must be true. For more amusing Idol recaps from somebody who actually watches the program -- read Ken Levine (for the short snarky Clif Notes version) or TWOP's Jacob (for the long, literate version that might take you longer than watching all two hours but is much better for you.)
Now onto shows I do watch while eating dinner or playing video games or with my full attention.; also known as "You're welcome, ABC."
Eating Dinner
Scrubs was funny. Even though I continue to wonder if we really needed another season, the more they focus on the new interns, the more entertained I am. Last week, they did a whole subplot about how nobody cares about J.D. and Elliot's romance and even though I think this was a metacommentary about the romance plot itself, I feel the same way about the characters. Run. Their. Course.
Playing a Video Game
Likewise, I wasn't sure if TV needed another f'd up science corporation show (Fringe, The Terminator Not Starring Christian Bale, etc.) but making it a sitcom is inspired enough that if you have half an hour, you can spend it a lot worse than watching Better Off Ted (which is not a spinoff about the long suffering Scrubs lawyer as its title and timeslot might suggest...wait a second that would be awesome...why aren't I running TV?). By the way, Portia de Rossi is sorry her gay marriage ruined anyone's life.
Full Attention Required
Lost just keeps barreling along at such an enjoyable clip that even when the plot twists are really obvious, you don't have to wait a long time to see them play out.
Spoilers from last night episodes ahead. You never made ME a sandwich, you little snot. You've been warned.
Like I twittered last night, a major difference between Lost this season and past: the whole Sayid choking the chicken (no, not like that, pervs) flashback1 would have been spread throughout the a whole episode rather than wrapping it up with the teaser before the non-credits title... though honestly the story of Sayid, the warmest-hearted cold-blooded killer ever is pretty much the most compelling back story on the show. That's the thing -- the show may be predictable but that's only because we know the characters so well and they're so fleshed out... which is why moving the plot along so fast is so important.
For example, a week ago when Sayid found himself back in time face-to-face with evil-Ben-in-Harry-Potter's-body, we knew he'd face the Hitler dilemma...or as I like to call it the Genesis of the Daleks Conundrum. But we only had to wait 167 hours and 58 minutes to see Sayid make his decision and put a bullet into a pre-pubescent.
And that's what makes it a good show rather than just an okay show; we didn't have to sit around watching Sayid say "Should I or shouldn't I?" Nobody used the Hitler analogy. "Do I have the right?" wasn't uttered. Been there, done that.
And best of all it wasn't the story of a heroic soul going back in time to make the "tough decision." That's what makes Lost a great show rather than just a very good genre show. It's like if the guy whose job it was to line people up at Auschwitz was the person sent back in time to kill Hitler as a baby. By doing this atrocious act, Sayid may be condeming his soul. But by changing time, it might stop Sayid from doing other atrocious acts and prevent other acts from happening. So we're dealing with a situation where killing an unarmed four eyes kid who gets beat by his dad for making you a sandwich seems like the moral thing to do. This show is about so much more than a smoke monster.
1 I can't remember but I don't know if Sayid ever had such an early flashback or if we'd been shown that his dad was such an asshole. But if we had, we shouldn't be surrpised. We learned long ago that having daddy issues was a pre-req for getting on Oceanic Flight 815 in the first place. A less observant Lost viewer might answer the question "Why is Hurley the comic relief?" with "Because he's the fat guy" when the correct answer is "Because his Cheech Marin-inspired daddy issues are tinged with comic relief." Same answer to the question "Why is Jack so deadly serious and often boring?" -- "Because his daddy issues are deadly serious and sometimes boring." and "Why is Sawyer the sexiest guy on Oceanic Flight 815?" -- "Because his daddy issues are the sexiest."2
2
But wait, you say, murdering your wife and killing yourself in front of your child isn't, forcing your son to turn into the kind of con man that caused your violent outburst isn't sexy, and while I'll agree with you, I will only do so if you're very narrowly defining the term "sexy." If you define it by including sweaty gothic tales of the American South and noir stories like The Postman Always Rings Twice -- and I do -- then the tale of the James "Sawyer" Ford wins hands down.
This is really really gorgeous and funny and lots of other words that simply mean "awesome."
Watch it.
Slagsmålsklubben - Sponsored by destiny from Tomas Nilsson on Vimeo.
Tonight on How I Met Your Mother Barney referenced CanadianSexActs.Org... (dot org because it's a public site from the Ministry of Community Wellness and Public Service)
The site you are about to enter contains materials of sexually explicit nature and is
intended for mature Canadians at least 18 years of age or older. (Or, 23 years of age in the Maritime Provinces.)
Anyway, the joke is all out and Alan Thicke heavy as the rest of the
episode might be (I haven't watched the episode yet -- thanks American
TiVo) but this joke alone made me pee my non-Candian pants:
Also, half of it is in French. And like I said, Alan Thicke...and Crash Test Dummies jokes.
So, in what probably was not but certainly seems like an effort to extend her 15 minutes of fame, Kenley Collins of Project Runway fame and overdoing 50s pin-up look infamy (and also seeming like a total bitch and something about a tugboat captain father) threw some apples and a cat at her sleeping boyfriend. Which is awful for the cat, but the boyfriend had to see something like this coming. Somehow this involved the police and therefore the media (I wasn't really paying attention.)
This was all over the Internet yesterday and I didn't post about it (because I didn't really read it) and all I had to say was "And I thought I couldn't have hated a person I didn't know more...and then she throws a cat." And this wasn't exactly original.
But this morning Gawker went it made it more awesome...which is why they get the big money for their blogging and I can pay for my own hosting fees.
First, with this graphic... which I'd swear I'd totally designed in my head. (But like sex with a porn star, I don't want to hear you bragging about it unless you've got graphic evidence, so it doesn't matter, so quit interrupting the movie.)
Secondly, with this tidbit, she threw HIS cat at him. Yes, there were two cats. Hers and his. And she threw his. Which somehow is just so much more bitchy.
Thirdly, and finally, and most wonderfully, this awesome quote from winner Leanne...which inspired this post's headline:
This should put a clear answer to the question I am most frequently asked, 'Was Kenley really that awful, or was she just edited like that?...I feel bad for the cat, the bruised apples and Zak. [her boyfriend]
The full quote is at Gawker, which, if you're interested you should go read (Since I've stolen most of their post, their graphic and part of a quote, I put the ellipses in and this plug, which is certainly the least I could do.)
Example: I checked out this very page today and right under the popular post in which I make a joke about child molestation -- which is not really a joke about child molestation but instead a commentary about a sitcom trying to deal with a rather complicated and upsetting issue in a 30-minutes-minus-commerical-and-a-B-plot* -- was an ad for Pedialyte.
That's not right and surely not what Abbott Labs intended. Like all media whores before me, I apologize to my advertisors. But, like most media whores before me, that apology is one of those rather half-assed ones: "I'm sorry if I offended people for something that isn't entirely my my fault this time."
Speaking of stupid celebrity apologies AND me making money, the Mexican grocery store next door still has plenty of Michael Phelps Corn Flakes boxes for sale and I've been told (and read) that opportunists are selling them on eBay. I checked it out last night and somebody was even trying to sell an empty box. Seriously. I'm totally considering in investing in ten boxes of Corn Flakes to sell on eBay -- and in this market, I think you could make the argument that it's a pretty sound investment.
* Seriously, the aforementioned episode of Mr. Belvedere didn't even have the good sense to make the "Wesley gets a bad touch at camp" the only plot. While Wesley was being helped out of his swim trunks at camp, Mr. Belvedere and Bob Uecker** were yukking it up as failed golf buddies back home. No, seriosuly.
** I met Bob Uecker once. It was awesome.
In last night's episode of American Dad, Roger said that if you Google "Mr. Belvedered in my pants" you'd figure out what he meant. But as of this morning, if you Google it, you only get pages about Mr. Belvedere.
I'm here to tell you that Mr. Belvedere in your pants DOES NOT mean you went #1 or #2 as the context might suggest.
In fact, it means that you spontaneously ejaculated in your pants because you were touched inappropriately by a camp counselor like young Master Wesley in the most upsetting "very special episode" I ever saw of any sitcom EVER. (For those non-children of the 80s or those who might have had something better to do with their Friday nights at the time, I'm not making this up; click here to read about the episode with the ominous sounding title "The Counselor.")
You might ask what gives me the right to make this definition decision. Well, when the writers of American Dad tells viewers to Google something and don't bother to populate the Internet with their own definition, it's now mine to use to drive up traffic and spread mis(information).
Also, the girl who played the robot Vicki on Small Wonder grew up to be Pink.
Kent Brockman on The Simpsons tonight*:
But seriously, Hannah Rosin wrote a great article I enjoyed today -- a very, very lazy Sunday which is why I'm still awake now -- about breast feeding and how and why moms have become fascist about doing it. As far as topics which probably couldn't impact my less, breast feeding is probably in the Top 10; however, reading well-written, thought-provoking articles that really don't have anything to do with you are what Sundays are for. The Sunday New York Times used meet this purpose, allowing me to read articles about places I'll never go, plays I'll never see, topics that will never impact my life, and politicians I'll never vote for in places I'll never go. Today, I did it with my iPhone, proving something we all knew:
I'm part of the newspaper business problem, not the solution.
And back to breasts but not for their baby-nourishing purpose, I had another thought this morning about jugs/melons/boobs/tits that is more Logopolis-like and perhaps I'll get to later this week. What a tease! It involves Ann Jillian and was provoked by watching this:
YouTube is also an awesome thing for Sunday brunch for your brain, but it can mean that songs like this will be stuck in your head all day. But anyone who's young and healthy knows that that's the way the traffic flows
* Tied for perhaps the best line of the night with as the nun said to Lisa who went under cover to find Maggie when Homer accidentally left her at the convent's doorstep, regardomg abandoned babies:
Next week's nine months after the prom. We'll be up the rafters in them.
It says a lot about our news culture that real journalism makes my skin crawl and seeing a person who deserves it like Jim Cramer get it makes me so uncomfortable that I almost feel bad for him. Almost.
Jon Stewart, as much as he was uncomfortable, could probably do this every night. But he doesn't want it. It's not what he signed on for.
So here's the lesson, folks, and it's more than just "don't fuck with Jon Stewart:
If you're a shit heel, don't go on your multi-network platform whining about how the funny man on the cable show with a 1.1 share is picking on you. Because you can bitch and moan and kvetch on any network you want, but if you don't actually have an argument beyond that, he might just hand you your ass AND get ratings gold from it.
and comments I've made on other places on the Internet today.
Main Bout 1: Dan Savage vs. Ross Douthat
Undercard: Me vs. porn (not really)
I wrote:
Like it or not, agree or not, many folks in the world treat looking at porn while you're in a relationship as, if not a deal-breaker, a definite no-no. But nobody asks why or even talks about it. Straight men hide it from their wives and gay men hide it from each other. * Sure, if you were to say to any of them who ban it from their homes -- either vocally or by assumption -- that porn = adultery, they'd laugh and say "of course not." But by bringing up the point and discussing it intelligently in the light of day rather than in the shadows, it forces couples to examine the question and question their assumptions. And forcing somebody to explain why beating off to porn is equivalent to them screwing somebody else either shows the weakness of the argument or the weakness of the relationship (or at least the character of the person involved.) So it's win-win.
* All I know about lesbian porn is that my lesbian friends never think there's any good enough for them to waste their time on.
Main Bout 2: Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer
Undercard: me vs. Time's TV Critic (again not really)
But anyway, parts of what I said is worth repeating, even if it shouldn't be directed at Poniewozik (whose name is impossible to spell)
While I'll agree that Stewart has also milked this feud, leading with it all three days this week and having Cramer on tonight, and he has addressed the personal attacks made against him -- by basically agreeing with them that yes, he is a comedian (I was never quite sure what point Joe Scarborough was making, Stewart and The Daily Show have also made the point every night that CNBC hurts America for most of the reasons you list. In other words, he's used the attention from these fueds to answer the personal arguments and make sociatal ones. Meanwhile, Cramer has never quite responded to the fact that CNBC and the media in general by focusing on the markets as the sole indicator and boldly presenting "In Cramer We Trust" as a potential network slogan has reduced something very complicated into something of a game and presented the decline of the stock market s a failure of the system rather than something that is guaranteed to happen in the free market system they claim to be fighting to protect from Obama.
Bout 3: The Iraqi Shoe-Thrower vs. The System
Undercard: Me vs. the Bush Administration (this time, I mean it)
Continuing to fuck things up even after he's not in office, W.
has just created yet another martyr for the Iraqi people. This is the
perfect opportunity to teach a lesson on freedom of speech/expression
to a part of the world we're supposedly trying to spread our values
too. Unfortunately, it IS an example of spreading our values -- just
the worst ones. While I'm not saying that he shouldn't be punished,
Bush could have asked for leniency.I don't see throwing shoes as an act
of violence on the same level as attempted assassination, and no honest
person would either. I think timed served (six months) would more than
fit the crime. Intent is important here, certainly as important as
considering who the target was -- which is obviously being done in the
situation. Knowing what we know about what throwing shoes means, this
is obviously a political statement, and surely we want to encourage the
types made with flying footwear rather than flying shrapnel,
particularly in this region.
On the other, she now looks like the love child of sensible florist Janet Wood and crazy replacement landlord Mr. Furley.