Logopolis

The Greatest (But Least Surprising) Show on Earth aka the Britney Spears Sex Tape!!

According to that beacon of British class The Sun, it seems that Adnan Ghalib, the British cameraman/leech who was sucking at Britney Spears crazy fame teat until a restraining order had him forcibly removed, has come forward with news that he has a XXX-rated tape of he and Britney -- allegedly with a naked Brit wearing just a pink wig -- and though he's not offering up details (how gentlemanly!), he will sell it for the right price.

Of course, one walks away from this story with more than few questions,  To answer these questions and explain what it all means, I've put together this informative graphic that, if anything, should make you happier than all the financial news graphics today (the ones with the red arrows pointing down, down, down, way down...)

(Thanks, Defamer -- TIME TO WIG OUT: THE BRITNEY SPEARS SEX TAPE IS ON THE MARKET -- for the inspiration)

Finance THIS! [rude gesture removed]

One of the few good things about being busy while I'm at my desk at work on the same day I stupidly forgot to charge my phone last night is that I'm completely out of the loop news-wise.

So for a few blissful hours I was unaware that the bailout bill failed and the stock market is crashing.

Good times.

That is, if your definition of "good times" means "well, at least maybe American literature might be inspired in a Grapes of Wrath kind of way.

Or you secretly wish that society goes all Mad Max and we start motorcycle-dueling for gasoline.  (I'm looking at you, Mr. Sauers.)

Anyway, man, am I glad I took my money and spent it all on paying off my debt rather than sitting somewhere else not making money.

And speaking of money making opportunities:

Dear America,

I need some cash.  You, despite all news reports to the contrary, have some money you want to invest.

If you invest in Mike McNamara, I'll send you a 8% return on your investment in a single year.   

Sure, it won't make you rich, and back in the good old days of "just the other year or so", you would have considered it a low rate of return for your 401(k).  But do you really trust the stock market these days?  And sure, you could put it in a bank or a CD with alleged safety -- but why depend on a cold corporation to make you money when get a few extra bucks per month for doing nothing but making me happier. And  can you even trust your banks these days?   Why don't you buy a really important bond and invest in a stellar future -- mine!

So, America, send me your tired money, your poor dollar bills, your huddled masses of cash ready to help me. You won't be disappointed. Turn your $1000 into $1080 now!  (Or at least by October 1, 2009.)

Sincerely, 

Mike McNamara

I started this letter as a joke, but seriously, if anyone wants to invest in me, I'm up for it. I've got good references, bad teeth, and parents who would kick my definitely-not-still-their-minor-child ass if they found out I ripped off -- or even casually misled -- strangers.

R.I.P. Mr. Newman

Newman is hopefully racing his car in a better place now...or something cheesey like that.

 

Extremely talented, by many accounts loving, and hotter than hell well into his senior years.

Thanks to him -- and to a lesser degree Robert Redford -- I decided long ago to let my insecurities go in regards to comparing my appearance to others -- if a man in his 70s was sexier than I had a chance to evert be in my 20s, all I could hope to do is step back, revel in the hotness of others and do the best with what I've got.

(I realize that thsis picture probably isn't too far into his senior years just because he's gone silver fox by this point but I couldn't illustrate this memorial without showing off the eyes.)

I know The Hustler or Cool Hand Luke are his more classic roles but I will forever love -- and really feel like watching today -- The Sting.  Also Slap Shot.

I've read this quote in lots of places to but still must repeat it because it's just damned classy. On the possibility of cheating on his wife Joanne Woodward:

Why fool around with hamburger when you have steak at home?"

 

But as much as I love to think about them as a happy couple, if I'm going to imagine a young Newman with anybody else, I'll be inspired by this screentest with James Dean.  Homoerotic doesn't being to describe it.

Stranger Danger

Be careful - if you post and link to CNN, your little trafficked tiny blog might end up getting linked back and then you end up with irrelevant comments about debate from actual debate coaches (is it really too much to ask that somebody be able to do debate prep AND their job, McCain supporters - especially when he's not doing the latter very well) or pseudoracist anti-celebrity rants (oh yeah, of course Chris Rock, Black Celebrity is for Obama...which surely is a category that 45-50% of the country falls into, right) Thanks technology for bringing the Idiocracy I spend most of my life desperately pretending doesn't exist right to my front door.

More Friday Funnies That Aren't Funny Except When They Are

1. What she said:

Prominent conservative columnist Kathleen Parker, an early supporter of Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, said Friday recent interviews have shown the Alaska governor is "out of her league" and should leave the GOP presidential ticket for the good of the party.

2. What campaign ads would look like if the electorate was six-years-old.

Best:

 

3.  Sarah Silverman recycles her old "young black men are like old Jewish grandparents" jokes as part of her "Great Schlep" campaign to try to convice young Heebsters to get their Nanas in Florida to vote Obama. 

A Collection of Quotes from my Friday lunchtime

McCain Decides to Participate in Debate

Told you so.

Sam Boyd:

John McCain will debate Obama tonight, despite previously claiming he'd only do so if a bailout deal had been reached. If he caves this easily, how can we trust him to stand up to the terrorists?

Andrew Sullivan:

So McCain blinked. He said he would suspend his campaign until there was a deal. He did not suspend his campaign. He asked for the debate to be postponed till after the deal. There has been no deal and he has caved on the debate.

This is an unstable, vicious, partisan man unfit to be a senator at this point, let alone a president.

Matthew Ygleasias:

The press likes the unusual. The man bites dog story. The maverick senators who do weird stuff. But just because men who bite dogs make for good copy doesn’t make biting a dog a good idea

Chris Rock on Larry King:

KING: You must be ... proud that at this stage in our history a black man is running for president on a major ticket.

ROCK: Um, you know what? I'm proud Barack Obama's running for president. You know? If it was Flavor Flav, would I be proud? No. I don't support Barack Obama because he's black.

Hoover Ain't Just a Sucking Vacuum

I've already proven my financial ignorance this morning but everything I read last night said last night's lack of a deal plus the markets going badly this morning would be bad for John McCain. So all this red is a bad thing (for him), right? (There is really no point to this post; I just wanted to use my phone's screenshot and financial tools.)

UPDATE: I apparently about as tech savvy as the candidate I mock because I somehow cropped the Dow Jones part out -- which was the more relevant illustration to my point as it had the largest drop (by both points and percentage) at the time the picture was taken -- though it has recovered a bit in the last hour.  I guess guys who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones -- even at guys who live in nine glass houses.

Morning Financial Thought

So WaMu has failed -- unexpectedly and spectacularly -- but failed nonetheless. Does this mean free checking is a bad business model? Or un-American?

These thoughts are naively simplistic, or more plainly, just stupid. But I had them and am sharing them, exposing my ignorance on economic matters. But I'm not running for the White House. What's the McCain/Palin excuse?

Slow posting

The last two mornings it's turned out that posts I made from my iPhone on the train didn't send the previous day, so if it occasionally looks like I'm a day behind, that's why.

Sympathy for the Devil

So yet again, Clay Aiken+
Gay stuff=Increase in Logopolis traffic. Not Flirg levels but still a substantial boost. Apparently now that he's confirmed the gay, folks want to see Jean Paulus pix so they can see what his type is.

But I'm left to sadly ponder, now that this particular tragic chapter is coming to a close, what celebrity embarassment will I mine for mocking next? Hopefully none - I'd gladly have no visitors and a world full of happy well-adjusted queers.

Later, I'll post some Claymate reactions and you'll see just how sad the world still is.