Logopolis

The great showman is back!

So you may have noticed that Logopolis has been on a summer break lately with very rare, very infrequent, and very sparse postings.

I'd like to say I was super busy writing the next great American something or another.  Or that I've been having all kinds of summer adventures.  But no such luck.  I've just been lazy.

But no more.  It's back to school time and I'm ready to school again via the blog.  So let's see how many days in a row I can go with actually posting two posts a day.  Starting..... now!

This morning, I got up to move the car  because (a) I am an awesome boyfriend and (b) I did not go to the grocery store last night but yet still got Cherry Coke, so it's the least I could do.

Anyway, as I drove around the block, I heard this story (read, listen) about Freddie Mercury which was great; there were two parts that I found interesting:

1) The awesome.  The director of Freddie Mercury: The Untold Story Rudi Dolezal told this story: "We all know that Freddie Mercury had very strange teeth, and we would all ask ourselves, 'A guy who was that rich, why didn't he change his teeth?' He was very afraid that if he changed his teeth that his particular sound of [his voice] would go away. So he was more concerned with his voice than his looks, and I think that says a lot about the man."

1) Unsurprisingly, Adam Lambert was interviewed, and while I agreed with him on most of what he said and found he said it well -- at least enough to prove he's not just a pretty gay face -- especially some interesting stuff about why Mercury's voice was great (this piece being a part of NPR's 50 Great Voices, it was therefore on target), I couldn't get past the first bit I heard aka "The most self-serving quote ever."

There's definitely something missing in today's music scene. We don't have a lot of men on stage doing flamboyant or theatrical. We have a lot of female pop stars doing it, but where are the guys?

Yes,where

oh where

could he be?

  

Life, Death, and the Stories That Really Matter

So I was pretty bummed that I learned that Sean Michael Spears Federline had been ripped  out of Britney's tummy for hours before I learned about it.  Yes, I lead a charmingly chaotic (get it?) life and sometimes find myself away from RSS feeds or even an internet connection for more than, say, 30 minutes at a time, but the birth of the future king of WTRP* is something that I should have known as soon as the doctor cut the cord (at which point, nurses hopefully let the poor guy suckle on a bottle of Red Bull so he didn’t go into shock from the sudden lack of taurine)

*- White trash rap pop aka hip-cracker-pop-hop -- a musical genre he was bred to create, making it even sadder that his original Us Weekly reported name -- Preston Michael Spears Federline was incorrect – as the world will never hear an album by Baby K-PMS Fresh.

Best! Banner! Ever! courtesy of britneyspy.com, obviously.

So in the following days, as Britney adjusted to motherhood by puréeing Cheetos and K-Fed adjusted to fatherhood by not leaving this time (maybe he's truly in love with Britney and wants to be a good baby daddy, but methinks he's just too lazy to pack up all his do-rags and trucker hats so soon), I was determined to make sure I never was in the dark again. And, like Kori and Kaleb Federline, the concern was soon forgotten.

But I remembered the pain of my ignorance when I came across Celebrity Deathbeeper.  I signed up figuring if I couldn’t catch them in the afterbirth, I’d get them as they went to the afterlife. And write a quiet yet moving, kind obituary. Because I can do kind, really I can…

I questioned whether such a service is tacky or not, but. as I do on most ethical issues, especially those involving America's insatiable hunger for fame, settled on indifference . Then today the Treo beeped my first deathpage, which I'm reading as an answer from the Gay Jesus that, no matter what horrors may also exist in the world, I should continue being just as unseemly and titty-flashing as always, if only because somebody has to pick up the slack for New Orleans:

FAMED HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR SIMON WIESENTHAL DIES

Logopolis returns for a new fall season – starting NOW!

(All the good blogs take time off in the summer, just like TV used to do. What? The blogs you read don’t do this? Hmmm, says more about your taste than my productivity. I’m just saying…)

The Return of the Urban Legend

BD asks regarding this post regarding Vicky aka VICI (Voice Input Child Identicant) the android:

Did she really grow up to be Pink?! You're kidding, right?!?! Answer me now!! I must know!

Proving that the greatest hits never die, I'll direct him (and other interested parties) to this post from three and a half years ago, where I tried to start that rumor.  I would periodically post this "factoid" on my site and other sites and dream that for every angry email I got telling me I was WRONG WRONG WRONG (and I got more than a few), there was at least one person who believed it.   Feel free to pass the disinformation along.

Great minds think alike...

where one great mind is a total wet blanket with more than passing knowledge of inappropriate pop culture images and the other is a totally fun guy with more than passing knowledge of inappopriate pop culture images.

From today's Washington Post. 'Bewitched'  Statue  Bothers Some In Salem:

"It's like TV Land going to Auschwitz and proposing to erect a statue of Colonel Klink," says John Carr, a former member of the Salem Historic District Commission.

From yours truly, 5 days ago...

But, on the other hand, it's a bit like erecting a statue of Colonel Klink at the real Stalag XIII.

"It's the End, but the Moment Has Been Prepared For"

Logopolis is a cold place, a cold high place overlooking the universe.  The Master, in the Doctor Who episode, "Logopolis"

I've had a number of blogs and online journals and at least some sort of search engine presence.    I used to be the first Google- place Mike McNamara on the Internet.  Now I've vanished and that f-ing South Padre island lawyer is at the top of the list.  I'd provide a link to the bastard barrister, but the swimwear picture is fairly unappealing and not the type of standard I want to set for this page.  Search for it if you like.  It's definitely work-safe, unless you work at a place that bans pictures of out-of-shape middle-aged white guys sunning themselves in swim trunks.   Don't go heading there for any Alan Dershowitz style legal genius., either.   His advice on Fake IDs in Texas -- leave them at home!  God, if only O.J. had hired the other Mike McNamara: "Put down the knife, Juice."   "Uh, okay, Mike."  "Here, have a pina colada."  "Mmm, thanks, Mike."

(Come to think of it, maybe I should become a  South Padre lawyer -- I can think of worse ways to make a living than to be the guy drunken frat boys call to bail them out on Spring Break.  I've seen enough movies to know how debts like that have to be repaid.  Because real life is just like gay porn.  Trust me.)

So I don't know why today I've been inspired to set up shop at Logopolis.   I'd guess...

"Never guess. Unless you have to. There's enough uncertainty in the universe as it is." The Doctor in  "Logopolis"

But the Doctor's right.    I won't try to answer why.  It's just the right alignment of the planets, energies, and need to bitch about Tom Cruise (more on that later)

"I always wanted to build a brand. Barbie's a brand. I knew I could be like that - an American princess."  Paris Hilton in today's New York Post.

Maybe I want a brand, too.  And a blog is a poor man's tabloid heiress lifestyle.  You're the bitch, publicist, paparazzi, publisher, and biggest fan all rolled into one. 

And since they didn't select me to be Pope or the 10th Doctor, I've got some time to kill.   

And if opinions were assholes, I might even have enough to give Rick Santorum all the shit he deserves lately.  Seriously, dude, equate my sex life to bestiality all you want -- but don't f'ing try to take away free access to the National Weather Service.   And even though I've come to expect most Republicans to sell out the American public,  why such a low price, Senator Wal-Mart?  Hell, I wouldn't even let a dog bone me for that much.

So, yeah, that was fun.    I'll try this again.

"Are you sure?"
"This is life; nothing's sure." Adric and the Doctor, in "Logopolis"